Violence has Many Fathers

Today, there won’t be much narrative or storytelling about my hilarious children or my idiotic mistakes. The topic is much heavier than that. Within the last ten days, thousands of words have been written about the violence in Memphis, how outraged we should all be, and the various prescriptions for addressing the problem. In fact, I debated whether I should write anything. What could I possibly say that hasn’t been said? Writing is cathartic, but Dad Sense is intended to be more than an exercise in stress relief for me.

As I considered the public facts about the horrific abduction and murder of Liza Fletcher, allegedly at the hands of Cleotha Henderson, and the inexplicable shooting spree likely perpetrated by Ezekiel Kelly that killed four people and injured three, I couldn’t help but recognize one of the most significant threads in these tragic stories – the role of and the impact on fathers.

Forgotten Fathers

Cleotha Henderson and Ezekiel Kelly are nearly twenty years apart in age. Yet, their stories are unfortunately similar. Both encountered the juvenile justice system as adolescents. Kelly’s first interaction with the juvenile system was because of neglect, but a short time later he was adjudicated as delinquent.

When Henderson appeared in Juvenile Court the first of sixteen times, he was only eleven years old. At the time of his appearance, his father, Cleo Henderson, was in prison. Today, the elder Henderson is in prison again on a second-degree murder conviction and is scheduled for release in 2044. What we know so far about these two suspects is that both had an absent father and likely no positive male role models.

Data has told us for years that children with an engaged father or other positive male role model fair better than their counterparts. According to the U.S. Census, 17.4 million children live in a fatherless home. That’s approximately 1 in 4. Children living in a fatherless home are 47% more likely to live in poverty, and while poverty does not produce violent criminals, there is no denying that it is an adverse childhood experience (ACE) that affects brain development. Recent data also suggests that adolescents with absent fathers are 279% more likely to carry guns and engage in drug trafficking.

First Things First, a Chattanooga-based non-profit, says,

“Studies have shown that a father’s involvement or a positive male role model profoundly affects children. Father-child interaction promotes a child’s physical well-being, perceptual ability and competency for relating with others. Furthermore, these children demonstrate a greater ability to take initiative and evidence self-control.” [Emphasis added.]

To be clear, I am not suggesting that Henderson or Kelly are victims and not responsible for their actions. Both, allegedly, went to great lengths to evade law enforcement and cover-up their crimes – evidence they knew their actions were wrong. But to consider what they could have been versus what they became, for me, is visceral.

I am also not discounting the tremendous job of single mothers who have raised children who avoided trouble, excelled in school, attained a post-secondary education, and today are thriving citizens with families of their own. These determined and stubborn mothers have willed and prayed their children through the challenges and temptations that could have led them down a destructive path. But the data is compelling, and at the very least the jobs of these mothers would have been easier with and involved father or father figure.

Today, of all parents incarcerated, 92% are fathers according to the Institute for Family Studies. Our practice as a nation of imprisonment for non-violent offenses is exacerbating the problems associated with absent fathers.

But there’s more. Dads just being physically present is not enough. On average, fathers spend less than 10 minutes per day one-on-one with their children. Fathers or a child’s male role models (grandfather, uncle, cousin, etc.) need to do more than simply show up. Research shows that involved fathers or positive male role models help to teach empathy and establish boundaries among many other positive benefits – characteristics apparently devoid in the lives of Henderson and Kelly.

Fathers to Never Forget

Unfortunately, there is another group of fathers that cannot be ignored in this conversation – the unwitting victims of Kelly and Henderson.

Dwayne Tunstall was a father to a young daughter and had a baby on the way, but he was Ezekiel Kelly’s first victim. A story about Tunstall went viral late last year when he purchased the gas of a perfect stranger, and she posted the story online. Tunstall was a budding entrepreneur who wanted to help the homeless.

Another victim of Kelly’s is Rodolfo Berger, also a father. Berger was simply buying auto parts at the AutoZone on Jackson Avenue when he was shot, and the event was livestreamed on Facebook. Berger was taken to the hospital in critical condition according to a Facebook post from his adult daughter, Jenny. Berger has undergone multiple surgeries and as of yesterday is slowly improving but has a long recovery ahead of him.

These are two fathers among Kelly’s seven victims. The names of three of his victims have not been released by police or confirmed by the families.

One more father who cannot be forgotten is Ritchie Fletcher, the husband of Liza Fletcher. Fletcher initially suffered the realization that his wife was missing and likely abducted. Then he endured the rampant and reckless speculation that swept social media that he was somehow involved in Liza’s disappearance. Just a few days later, he learned his wife and the mother of his boys, had been murdered. Now, Fletcher must find a way to explain to his children and shoulder the burden of being both parents to his boys.

And somehow, these fathers’ families must all find a way to heal.

Experience is the Father of Wisdom

The scourge of violence that is not only a Memphis problem but a national one, is rife with complexity. There is no single solution or identifiable amount of government funding to drastically drive-down rates of violent crime and make it safe to walk, jog, or ride anytime day or night. But experience (and data) has taught us there are concrete steps men can take to change, and even save the lives of some in our community.

Don’t just show up, get involved with your children. Demands from your job, conflict with your ex, and a multitude of obstacles will stand in the way, but Dads resolve to spend time with your children and to be present when you’re with them. More than electronics, the latest fashions, or expensive outings, they want your time.

Stand in the gap. Whether filling in when Dad can’t be there or formally mentoring a child without a positive male role model, give some of your time to help shape the life of a child. Organizations across our city need men to get involved with the children they serve. But maybe in your own family or neighborhood or among your co-workers there is a dad struggling to be present who you can help.

Don’t judge, help. There are single moms across our city struggling to raise children, make the ends meet, and hoping for a better life for their kids than what they’re living now. They don’t need us to tell them what to do or how to do it. They need support and encouragement without judgement.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for Ritchie Fletcher, his boys, and their family. Also pray for the families of Dwayne Tunstall, Rodolfo Berger, and the other victims of the shooting spree. Pray for remorse from Cleotha Henderson and Ezekiel Kelly and that they will admit to their crimes and spare the families the suffering that comes with a long trial. And pray for the children in our city who stand on the precipice of a life of violence that someone will snatch them from the edge in love and save us all from the fall.